two songs

So I've been thinking a lot about waiting the past couple of weeks (ok, my whole life), maybe because I always think about it or maybe because a lot of people have been writing in their blogs on their waiting processes. Here are my two cents on the subject.  

Matt Wertz just released an album and sadly most of the songs aren't new. There are four however that are and they are good. One ironically is titled "waiting"

I'm waiting all of my life been waiting

To get it right, but that still seems like its so far away

And I'm taking all the advice I'm given

I know that he's writing about his own personal experience but it's like he knew what I have been thinking. It's hard to say why I wait and what I'm waiting for. While I wait, I plan out thousands of different things I could be doing and what my life might look like. Why I do this, I don't know. It's not helpful or healthy. I substitute being happy where I am, with trying to figure out what might make me happy. That's why the second verse of Wertz's song hits so close

Maybe if I had a somebody, maybe 

She would stand by me and somehow then I'd act more like my age

Seriously, I don't know how many times this thought has run through my mind. especially then my two months four weddings. I think I know what will create this mid twenties life, I think I can plan it out. The irony is that once I start to walk towards these things given me, I become terrified and sabotage the whole event. 

The past week I've begun to see the sin of what this is. I can't find contentment in what the Lord has given me. I must plan out and imagine a life where I might love him more, live a life more glorifying, or even be more holy and righteous. He doesn't want that, he wants me, he wants me to wait. Driving to work on saturday, knowing it was going to be long and tiresome, I heard the Caedmon's Call song "thousand miles" and could help by know the Lord was talking to me. Refusing to sing along so I didn't burst into tears, I sat and listened and knew its was true and my new desire:

so take my broken offering and make it whole

set my feet upon the road that leads me home

let me walk as one fixed upon the goal

and I know I've got a thousand miles to go. 

So I've got these two songs and they both are speaking great truth into my life. One allowing me to rest in the knowledge that I'm not alone in my thoughts on waiting and what might fix my life and the other giving me a clear hope of what God will bring me to and it might take awhile.