3

The little bit that I want to share about week three came on day 6. I have been able to see God moving in great ways through the 11 summer staff that work in the kitchen. They struggle through loving each other and the rest of the summer staff and rely on Christ to make this love possible. We all came together mid afternoon day 6 in the club room and were able to share what the Lord was showing each of us and where we still found struggle. I had to leave before we prayed for each other but I know that Christ was with them and their and my eyes are being cleared to a sharper image of who He is and who we are to Him.

1

I ended week one with a beer, two hot dogs, and an indie film about the 1976 paris judgement. 

I can't say this was the hardest week one I've ever had but I can say that it was probably my longest. I like to down play how tired I get and how long I am at work because for some reason I think I can hide it from people and help them to feel like their time in the kitchen is more fun and energetic. 

I think I was able to admit to being tired and frustrated at times because I have Tex and Julie working beside me. Julie's caring heart forces me to be open about what my heart wants to hide but what my voice and face are clearly saying. Tex in greater and lesser ways is a protector and though sometimes it frustrates me, always has my best interests in mind (and only really frustrates me because I don't want to believe what he tells me is true). Our summer staff and work crew are also wonderful. They work hard (though sometimes with a lack of focus) and find joy in what we ask them to do. It's encouraging and challenging to see the Lord work is these people. 

I don't really get contact with campers unless they are former work crew kids or leaders I know from previous summers and I don't really mind it. My desire for the summer is that I focus on serving the Lord and by limiting my time with campers I think I can better do this. Plus I just the weird chef with bright orange shoes. 

In my fatigued state I let myself give into sins I hate and try to fight my way out of, but continue to learn more deeply about grace and why God is wrathful and honestly his wrath (some for fear but mostly for its absolute truth) keeps drawing me closer. 

Week 2 begins today and I won't be at camp until day 3. I will hopefully drive work crew that day on their night off and get to love them in the process. 

the beginning

Today the first assign team arrives at camp. 

Tomorrow the work crew and summer staff.

And then Saturday the campers arrive. 

This is what we've been preparing for and praying for and working so hard for all year, since the last one ended. I goal is to sit down either the night of day six or the morning of day one and put into words the things I saw the Lord do and what He taught me during that week. It is so easy for me to keep going and look past the mighty presence and work of each day and lump it into the generic wonder of "summer". 

Today marks the beginning of summer, my 6th summer at camp, and I am most excited to see what the Lord has in-store. 

nouwen

To preface, Chad had us read a book about spiritual leadership by Henri Nouwen about one month ago. The book as good, I felt both challenged and encouraged. To fast forward to last week I was at Barnes and Noble picking up a copy of Infinity Blues by Ryan Adams. The poetry section at B&N happens to be right beside the inspirational christian section and my eyes just happened to fall on several books by Henri Nouwen. There was a series who's covers are Van Gogh prints and I picked up one entitled Pathways to Life and the Spirit. The first section is about power, powerlessness, and power (two different types of power incase you were confused). In the conclusion of the first section he talks about three disciplines that we must work towards to achieve this second power. I want to share with you the third discipline (though that are all good and challenging):

The third discipline is the hardest. It is the discipline to be surprised not by suffering but by joy. As we grow old, we will have to stretch out our arms, be guided and led to places we would rather not go. What was true for Peter will be true for us. There is suffering ahead of us, immense suffering, a suffering that will continue to tempt us to think that we have chosen the wrong road and that others were more shrewd that we were. But don't be surprised by pain. Be surprised by joy, be surprised by the little flower that shows its beauty in the midst of a barren desert, and be surprised by the immense healing power that keeps bursting forth like springs of fresh water from the depth of our pain. 

As I read this I smiled thinking about what that means to me right now and how many of my friends also needed to hear those words. This is far from my mentality. If I was honest with myself, I expect joy as much as I expect pain. How much more could I see God if I was surprised by the things He does for me. If I went about my life rejoicing at the moments of joy He gives me instead of seeing them as a given respite from the suffering of life. I hope that the fifth sentence strikes you as it did me. And you are encouraged by the seventh as I am. 

I've been writing blog entries in my head for the past couple of weeks instead of putting down thoughts here, but I have had the same thought the past couple of times , and that is the difference between craving the Lord's presence in my life and practicing the Lord's presence in my life. I crave everything about Him to be everything about me, but I so easily allow the sin in my life to cloud my vision and convince me that I am not able or worthy of achieving this. It's simply a lie. I am worthy, my craving is real and good and I can turn it to practice as easily as I want, I just have to escape the lie. The real answer comes in what Nouwen talks about in the first pathway, the pathway of power. I have to reject the power of the world, realize the powerlessness of Christ's entry into and out of this world, and the power I have in Him. In the classic words of Nike: I've just got to do it. 

p.s. two songs to check out: Two Hands by Jars of Clay

  June by Julie and Buddy Miller

one touches of the issues of the blog and one is a beautiful song written to help Jonny Cash (and others) grieve the loss of June Carter Cash. 

musical history

You've probably never looked at my music collection before but if you have or have been on a road trip with me you've noticed the diversity in what you see and hear. I began to think about how and who got me this way. You better believe I didn't stumble across 15 different musical genres on my own. We're going to take a musical journey from the beginning, the first music I ever listened to (which might surprise you) all the way through today. 

As a kid my Dad loved country music, the good stuff, the honky tonk stuff. There would always be Dwight Yoakam, The Nitty Gritty Dirt band, or Clint Black playing on the stereo or in the truck. I loved this stuff and still do. There is something about the big guitar and the twangy voice that I relate to. Lyrically they there seems to be more sadness than happiness in their songs which I am a sucker for. Though shortly after childhood I would run far from this form of country music by college I found my way back to it and now my perennial favorites are Buddy and Julie Miller. 

Next we'll enter into middle school and what I'll call my heavy rock phase. By no means was it hard rock. I listened to Bush, and Bush alone for most of the seventh grade  and all through eighth grade. We can do a psychological study on why this type of music dominated my middle school years but I think its safe to say I was angry and alone and expressed it through what I was listening to. 

High School. I don't know if this is true for most people but this is the place where I learned a ton about music and some of my favorite  genres were acquired. Through all the friends I made and kept I learned of new music and new ways of listening. 

Freshman year: I became a rap fan. The first concert I payed for was to see Wyclef Jean and the Refugee Allstars on the carnival tour. This was the seal the deal concert experience for me. Wyclef prolonged the show for 4 hours, the last 2 just being him DJing on the stage while the JMU convocation center broke it down. He was forced to stop at midnight and a small part of me hoped all concerts would be like this. 

Sophomore Year: My sister started dating this guy who was in a punk band. He made her a couple mixtapes (literally) that I then stole and listened to. I couldn't get over the fast beats and loud voices of the garage and pop punk scene. I probably never have or will listen to what would be viewed as PUNK but the angst that was found in early emo and still exist in mainstream emo has a special place in my heart. I think if someone finds emo at the right time they will love it always, and if they don't they just think its whiny boys not getting what they want. 

Junior Year: I met Nick and really started hanging out with Maggie. These two I would say have had the strongest musical influence on me. Maggie was my introduction to bluegrass, folk and my first glimpse into the indie scene. Nick and I would check out all the local band shows and what was going on in town. They both loved the classics, jazz and things not of the mainstream. I believe I can say I owe my appreciation for all times of music and a desire to seek out the best from the two of them. 

Senior Year: Not much had changed I was simply beginning to walk in the new music shoes I had established the year before. 

Now lets talk about a few more people from high school. Joe Glick: Biology teacher and friend. He introduced me to Daniel Lanois and got me to love the Indigo Girls. Davey: Debate coach and friend: introduced me to Ben Harper (and the singer songwriter) and to James Brown Fridays. He also gave me a view into what college and music would be like. Carolyn and Erin: best friends and music lovers. Carolyn made me my first burned cds and Erin always had something new for us to listen to. 

The compilation. I have always been a big fan of compilation cds, both for causes and trendy give aways from clothing stores. You might not remember but American Eagle and others, would have cds to go along with purchases ever so often. These cds introduced me to 2 of my favorite artists (whiskeytown (leading the Ryan) and Jimmy Eat World). Also opening my eyes even more to the world of indie music and what was out there past the mainstream music stores in the mall. 

As we head into college and post college, I've continually expanded what I've listened to with in the genres I learned to love in high school. The notables are Dom, he and I would go over possible new artist and cds and always rate what we thought would be good. He also helped to cultivate my love of pop culture. Brett, he might be my musical soulmate (creepy I know) or really just the greatest music friend (and friend) a guy could have. He solidified my pop culture love, And then there is Kari, though we quickly came to realize we don't like the same things, our paths cross at some pivotal points and our mutual love of music is understood and appreciated. 

I know there are more people and genres I could continue to mention but this is long and I think you get the idea. It seems I loved music long before I knew and my dad once again had the starting say. Where some follow trends in fashion I follow trends in music (and yes in fashion) I love what is new and cherish what is old. I'll leave you with a list of songs you just might want to check out:

Little Sister by Dwight Yoakam

Killing Time by Clint Black

Machinehead by Bush

Little Things by Bush

Swallowed by Bush

Bubblegoose by Wyclef Jean

Poly Sci by John Forte

Guns don't Kill Ducklings, Ducklings Kill Ducklings by I don't remember

16 Days by Whiskeytown

For Me This is Heaven by Jimmy Eat World

Long Black Veil sung by Johnny Cash

Off to Sea Once More by David Grissom and Gerry Garcia

SoWhat by Miles Davis

Desire by Ryan Adams

The Island by the Decemberist

Prostitute 2 by Lil' Wayne

Good Morning by Kayne West

Rock Salt and Nails by Buddy and Julie Miller

Tomorrow Night

I was listening to the song Tomorrow Night by Patty Griffin and it got me thinking...

How often do we (well I) look to the future we hope to happen and miss out on the things that are taking place in the present and the joys that sneak up on you from your past. 

I'll start with the joys from the past. It is pretty easy for me to think I didn't accomplish much as a young life leader and blame myself for the places I see my guys in now. God doesn't let us sit in this place very long, mainly because its sinful and just not true. Over and over again the past year He's revealed to me the impact I had on Stafford High School. I can't fully express the encouragement I get from seeing Eric, Mark, Phil, and Josh lead young life. Even more than that to know they love the Lord and desire to seek Him as this point of their lives. To know that Ben is in a place with people I love and who will love him as the Lord loves him, is peaceful. God is in charge not me, and that is something we can all be thankful for. I was able to talk shortly with Petey and Charles, two guys who will forever be on my heart and I have to give over to the Lord to know He's got a plan and a time for both of them.  We can never underestimate the work we do for the Lord no matter for how long or how poor a job we think we do. 

The present, it's a tricky place to find oneself and ironically we never leave it. I don't like being in the now, I try to analyze it through the thoughts of the past and can't stop thinking about what the future could be. Chris and Lauren came to visit this weekend and it was wonderful. I was able to have them over and throw a little dinner party for them and the people we all love. It felt right and it was a great chance to relish in the present. I talk about how I'm really happy right now, and its true. I love the place the Lord has me and I don't plan on going anywhere soon. I love the present, presently. But I know if I'm not careful I'll fall right back into planning out what the best future is for me and living in a world of made up life and excitement. 

And last but not least, the future. As I mentioned earlier it is very easy for me to dwell in the future. I find comfort in planning it out, with all the possibilities wether real or not, there is something comfortable for me in the unknown. However, me resting in the future is sinful, it keeps me out of the present and serving the Lord where He wants me. 

In listening to Tomorrow Night I couldn't help but think about how I wait for tomorrow night in hopes of what will happen and then realize what I might be missing out on in the now. I don't want to miss out on the now in hopes of the future anymore. I don't know how to do this yet but I'm going to figure it out and make sure the Lord is a part of it, I'll keep you informed on my progress.

we are here

Oh the joys of thanksgiving...

we'll start on wednesday. I met two great friends Dom and Liz for lunch at Jess' Quick Lunch on court square. Which was followed by pumpkin ice cream at Klines. It was wonderful to catch up with them and share such a great lunch. Leaving the lunch I was happy and I can say now, Dom and Kevin were great roommates and friends and I was blessed to live with them for the time I did. Not to mention that their wives make up a group I am more then proud to be a part of: the headlights. 

I arrived home shortly after that to spend time with my parents and wait for Ash and Ryan to arrive with Brinks for the holiday. They arrived and we ate chili and dairy/gluten free pumpkin pie, which was quite good (it helps that I love rice pudding and gingersnaps. We watched Wall-e and relaxed. Ash brought treats from Eileen's, which secured it as my favorite bakery, hands down. After all the festivities Mom Ash Ryan and I played a very intense game of rumi cube. I love thanksgiving in all parts and this one was a top performer. 

I left friday morning to stop in Lex, pick up Kari and held to Cinci. I love this place. We arrived to the hoopla of the apple store to see Mandy helping someone fulfill their ipod dream. We headed to Deweys and got good gourmet calzones. The next morning an event happened I've been waiting a few years to accomplish, I adventured around Jungle Jims. I loved it, everyone was right, I knew they would be. Ate at Green Papaya, sushi is growing on me and so is spicy asian food. Then Kyle came over to Mandy's and we dominated at scene it, yentil, it's all I need to say. We then (Mandy Kari Tex and I) awaited Tee's arrival and then head to LaRosa's for pizza and toasted pepperonis. Now for the event of the evening... Festival of Lights. We ran around the zoo like happy children, see all the great animals and light shows. Jumping pictures were the laugh highlight. Then it was off to Hofbrauhaus for german beer and good times. Mike and Sara arrived and lead us in a riveting game of 10 fingers. Tex and Kari stayed in kentucky, and we all headed back to OHio. Gameday, sunday. watching the game not fun. Hanging out with Kevin, well worth it. and I had rain paints which kept me dry. After the game we headed to meet Josh, Kyle and a surprise Caitlin at a very matter of fact restaurant. CHINA FOOD. and it was china food and good. I got everyone but Josh to order egg drop soup, which is a good chinese soup. I had breakfast this morning at Brueggers with Joe and we caught up on life and the Lord and it was good. 

If I could sum up my time in cincinnati with a word, it would be replenishing. This is a big city that I feel comfortable in, a community that I love and have a place in. People I love and desire to love better each time I am with them. It is easy to say I have a place in finneytown I can call home, I even feel like the town is a second home town. Kevin Josh and Kyle are guys I love to spend time with and hear about their lives and want to share mine with them. Joe never ceases to amaze me with his openness and willingness to share, its encouraging and challenging. The Bengals break my heart but I love them nonetheless and know they will succeed. It's a place I could spend days just seeing people and thanking them for being a part of my ministry and life and for sharing their city with me, so know all of you are loved and cherished. 

The drive home was longer than normal due to the weather. On an honest note I prayed more and laid my heart in to God's hands during this trip, winter weather is my favorite to watch on tv but not drive in. Needless to say from the tamarak till lewisberg I told the Lord I trusted him and asked him (maybe told) to end the snow, and he did, the road cleared up and as we entered Virginia the sun came out. Leaving the tam I had insisted Tex not wait for me because I would not be driving fast enough for him, he didn't. He passed me a little before the snow started and then remained there at 45 mph until the snow subsided. I had 5 people with me in my car, my mom praying from Harrisonburg, the lord calming me through it, Tex and Kari guiding me out of the weather and Sandra McCraken singing to me about Jesus. without all of them I don't really know what the storm would have been like, I probably would have stopped or broken down (me not my car, she's a champ) and just gotten angry but i didn't. as we exited the storm I checked my phone for service to call my mom and let her know I was almost home and out of the bad weather. but I had a text that just said "we are here". I don't know when exactly it was sent but I'm glad it was. I sent thanks back and then began to cry, really just a few tears because I got myself back together and laughed at the Lord and what he did there. I am blessed with a Family that loves him and me and I can enjoy in all things. I have friends who don't mock me for my fears but help me through them and laugh with me at my ridiculousness. I have places that God has given me to see him and see him clearly. 

This is a long post to talk about thanksgiving but I needed to get it all out and put into writing the blessings I've been given as to not doubt them or minimize them. He is a good God, I said that many times today and without a doubt it is my favorite way to describe him. He is good and I love him. 

a small note: all the mention of food is important, 1. because its part of me and 2. I'm learning more and more that my love of food and the gift I have of creating it are from the Lord and I thank him for it. I won't down play my ability just up play who has given it to me. So when talking about thanksgiving food must be mentioned because I am thankful for it.